I am in a mood. Not just any mood. This is a mood that has come and gone many times though out my life. When I am in this mood, I start to believe that nothing really matters. More so, I believe that I am not real, and that this existence is false. When I am in this mood, I stop doing homework because I cannot convince myself that there is really anyone out there to grade it. I also become a horrible teacher, because I stop believing that my students really exist. Furthermore, I make atrocious choices because I lose all concept of consequence. I really truly stop believing in my life as reality. There is something inside me that just snaps, and I refuse to believe that I exist. I feel like a cosmic mistake, a . . . joke.
And, so, this is my mood. When I was little and the mood would strike, Brian Jackson, Marie Allred, and I would sit around at recess and have existential conversations. When I was in college and the mood would strike, I would wander the town, play with Nicki and Casey, and read a good book. But, now, in my Nephi state, experiencing reading burnout, I cannot do any of those things. So I sit at my computer and post my blog, a silly little rant that may or may not be real.