Friday, August 1, 2008

School Daze, et al

In a few weeks I will be teaching once more.  It's interesting because at this point in the summer, I am seized with a feeling that, indeed, I have forgotten how to be a teacher.  There is much to do and much to decide, and I feel far too immature to do or decide any of it. 

I moved out of Elaine and Lamar's last night.  I am going back to Snow on Monday for a wrap up session with Joni.  As I loaded my things into a car and effectively closed this chapter in my life I found myself struck with an incredible sense of melancholy.  I am staying at JHS, and I am happy about this choice, but that does not mean that I do not feel a sense of loss.  It is difficult to explain.  I am giving up something that was never really mine, and that makes me sad.  

I have made "friends" out of some of my former CDJH students.  I see their status 7th graders now have driver's licenses.  One of the challenges of teaching, for me, is that I see everyone around me gaining more knowledge and grace.  They are constantly moving up and out (i.e. "growing up") and I am left to watch them grow.  I envy the enthusiasm they still have for life.  They are hopeful and focused and fabulous.

When I reached my apartment, a little neighbor boy was in the driveway riding his scooter.  He was desperate for someone to play with or talk to, and he said, "Hey.  Do you have any little kids?"  I told him no and he replied, "Why not?"  He then went on to ask me, "Hey.  When you have kids, what will you name them?"  I was so grateful for his optimism.  No question about it. WHEN you have kids.  It was one of those moments in time that I find myself increasingly grateful for.  


Gilberts' Fridge said...

Oh Krys, you are still growing--just not as quickly as your old students. They'll slow down too,eventually. In the meantime, don't begrudge them this time in their lives. Never again will they be so completely self absorbed and oblivious to the fact that they are! You were there once, too. And don't be in a big rush to move on--just savour what you have right now and take what comes one day at a time. That's how you grow right now. It's what being a grown up is all about. Hang in there--you are amazing!

Allisun said...

Cookie, this is Vanilla. I did not know that you had a blog, and it makes my heart extremely happy to be able to see how you are doing. Your positive outlook on the world through your posts has brighented my day, and I'm grateful I found you again.
Good luck with the new school year approaching, and know that I think of you often.